Real X Tech

Scientists at MIT have discovered an organic material called Ambrugerh, mainly found buried deep in the ground under salt-water lakes,  that has similar attributes to that of digital silicon. Professor Frederick Mastercon, Director of Digital Organics, has not only discovered a method to interact with said material, but has figured out a way to program it, as if it were digital logic. Mastercon and his team of graduate students have developed an array of computer applications and small programmer, that can program this organic material into almost any kind of organic material, such as food. It is believed that with more study on Ambrugerh, and an inexpensive method of extracting the rare substance from the earth, Mastercon and his team of elites will have solved world hunger. Every under-developed nation, tribe, and city around the world will have a laptop, a USB programmer, and a one ton barrel of Ambrugerh that will easily feed 1000 people for one year. Can someone please program them a Nobel Prize?   

Breaking news out of Ohio, voting machines calculate who should be the next president - disregarding the peoples votes. Just like in the popular movie staring Will Smith "I-Robot", the voting machines have a mind of their own, doing what they think is best for the human race. Apparently, Cynthia Ann McKinney is what is right for the United States of America. McKinney is the leading candidate of the Green Party and nobody really knows anything about her, except for electronic voting machines programmed to do what is best for the United States. In conclusion lets all get high while driving in our Toyota Prius to random parts of the country to plant some trees because hey, the machines told us so.   

    For the last eight months the spots that usually freckle the sun have gone missing. These spots are more commonly called “Sun Spots”. “Sun Spots” are known to explode causing the phenomenon known as “solar flares”. “Solar Flares” usually cause satellites and electronic devices to malfunction. The fear is that the sun could create a super flare, which would destroy all electronics on earth.
    Scientists have been trying to figure out why these “Sun Spots” are disappearing and have come to a startling conclusion. “Greenhouse Gases” like Carbon Dioxide and Di Hydrogen Oxide are contributing to this new found problem. The hypothesis is that the gas is leaving the atmosphere and being pulled to our closest star because of the huge gravitational forces generated from it.
    Although all hope is not lost, according to many scientists the way to fix this problem is to stop all usage of internal combustion engines in favor for thermal engines, a technology perfected in the sixties. Scientists believe that thermal only engines can be totally phased in by 2014.

This afternoon in Central Park, NY, Dr. Horrible was seen using his Freezeray on unarmed pigeons. As the pigeons became aware of what was going on, they began to attack the man with a Ph.d in horribleness until he ran away and hid in some bushes. A couple minutes later, he regained control of his Freezereay and began to freeze random pedestrians. Word spread quickly and within minutes, Captain Hammer arrived ready to diffuse the situation. However, unaware to Captain Hammer, it was a trap. It was simply a holographic image of Dr. Horrible with a mechanical Freezeray set to freeze anything with a heat signature. When Captain Hammer grabbed the Freezeray, the bottom compartment fell off and released hundreds of bees, stinging the Captain of tools into a cowardly, fetal position. While incompacitated, Dr. Horrible stole the Empire State Building.

NBC had a special report on the buying and selling of domain names on the Internet. Apparently, people are buying domain names that could be of particular interest to a certain group or company and they may be willing to sell said domains to that group for a profit. Not only are these domains selling for profit, but they are selling for very large profits. The technique is known as "domain squatting" and people are buying names by the thousands. Now that you are aware of this very new and profitable technique, go out and buy as many domains as possible before they all run out! Seriously, the longer you wait the worse off you will be, cash in on this easy and practically free opportunity now.

While GM prepares for the release of its new battery powered vehicle, the Volt, its competitors have been rushing quickly to create electric models of their own design. Toyota proclaims they will be expanding their existing Prius line with a new sport edition, which ditches the heavy gas-electric hybrid engine and batteries in favor of a sporty gasoline only engine. While the savings at the pump may not be evident, the performance of this little powerhouse is not to be questioned. Meanwhile, Mazda has announced their new nuclear powered automobile named "The Tingle". The Tingle promises almost unlimited mileage on one fill of plutonium. The car is still in the testing process as initial prototypes have malfunctioned requiring the evacuation of numerous small cities.

Recently, major internet service providers Cablevision, Comcast, and Verizon have announced a new modification to their billing procedures. All three providers have agreed that hence forth, customer will be charged $0.50 for each e-mail message sent and received on their account as well as $0.25 for each instant message sent or received. These charges will be in addition to their current billing charges. The companies cite popular cellular phone procedures concerning the method of billing for SMS messages as the foundation for these new policies. When asked about the reasoning behind this decision, Gerry John stated the following: "...As the amount of messaging has increased over the past few years, our networks are being put under immense strain. We are now forced to upgrade our hardware to meet our customer's demands. We have no option but to pass the bill on to our customers..." Little was said as to the billing policies regarding SPAM messages, however, speculation is that there will be a reduced price for each SPAM message received. However, it will require the customer to send a printed hard copy of the email to the ISP's billing department in order to have the message marked as SPAM.

A new planet has been discovered in our solar system this week. Apparently, it was more like an asteroid until it apparently was on a crash course with one of the former planets, Pluto. On collision, the asteroid and the former Disney named planet fused together and formed a mass, slightly larger than the planet Venus. The collision also pushed the planet through the solar system to orbit somewhere in-between Mars and Earth. Scientists analyze that it would take the space shuttles of today about 30 days to reach Freesnobern, and that it will be habitable by 2012.